What is life like living in the what if?
Life in general is going to be a lot of ups and downs, and it is our choice whether or not to focus on the downs or the ups more. When we add in the “what if” factor, now we turned into a whole other section of life. I too have lived in the “what ifs”. It was making me second guess almost every decision I made and it made me indecisive.
So, what are some examples of “what ifs”?
- What if I am not good enough?
- What if I get embarrassed?
- What if I mess up?
- What if they hate me?
- What if I don’t get it right?
- What if I never become happy?
- What if I cannot change?
- What if I die
The list goes on and on and on and on.
Why do we do this?
I believe we, and yes, I said we because I still have moments of this, because we don’t have faith within ourselves. We don’t believe it for us. In some way, it is saying that we don’t trust ourselves. It’s a sad thing but its real but that doesn’t mean we have to live this way. Sometimes it can be because of people and how they treated us. Sometimes it can be because we weren’t taught how to value ourselves.
How can we not live like this?
The wonderful thing is that we have a choice to NOT LIVE LIKE THIS. It takes time but it is possible.
- One way is to give yourself room to make mistakes. We are human and we are known to make mistakes and it is OKAY. Each mistake we make is a lesson learned. Give yourself time to process what happened, what could have been, just in case for next time if it comes again so we would not make the same mistakes twice.
- Spend time with yourself. Figure out why you live in the what ifs. Use the above examples as a guide but there could be other reasons why beyond what is listed.
- STOP BEING HARD ON YOURSELF! You are not made to be perfect which means we will fall sometimes. We have the choice to get back up or to stay down. I would suggest that you do not stay down. Get up from the place that is keeping you down and press towards your goal, your happiness, etc. Press on!
- Learn to trust yourself. Everyone is different so there is no set way or direction on how to trust yourself, but I can say to trust in your decisions, be open to correction, but stand beside what you believe no matter how big or small it is.
Dominique Phelps
FSU BSW Anchors Up! Program Mentor
Key Topics: Positive Youth Development Teens Self-esteem Self-awareness Life-coaching